In an old Methodist church, the kind that still employs a pastor on a circuit with other country churches, I sang of the ties that bind our hearts in Christian love. It was easy to sing then, next to my Nan Nan, the woman who raised my Mama and uncles. The ties strengthen when you struggle through something together, and those family bonds had been forged long before me. They’re still there on that side of the family, but I fear I’m losing friends and family as the days go by. We focus more on the things that divide us, paying no mind to blessed ties. What are the ties that could bind us, I wonder. And what is Christian love? I don’t know that we can even agree on that anymore.

The strongest ties that bind nowadays are based on mutual hatred. I wouldn’t say that this kind of bond is stronger than love, but it is certainly easier and more prevalent than the bonds of love. In a society where everything, and I do mean everything is politicized, how can we fashion the ties of love once again? Where can we start?

For one, I think we have to get away from social media, get off our phones, and start living again. Instead of documenting everything on Facebook, document it in your diary. You can even add your pictures to illustrate each day. Wouldn’t that be a more meaningful relic for your family than a trajectory of public posts?

I give this advice to myself because I am completely and utterly addicted to Facebook. It gives me hardly any pleasure anymore, mostly anxiety, and yet I had to tell my husband to keep my phone away from me today so I wouldn’t obsessively check a seemingly harmless post that got negative attention from some family and friends. My heart was racing and I had to pop a pill to quell an impending panic attack. Now, he and my son are fishing in my brother-in-law’s pond while I sit a short distance away and type this. The fresh air is doing me some good, as is getting these words out.

Mutual struggle is a powerful tie as well, while not as loud as mutual hatred. But its there if we can be vulnerable enough to find it amongst ourselves. This may be the most difficult bond to give oxygen to, because it requires uncovering our deepest places from underneath the rubble of pride. What we forget is that the bonds that mutual struggle can supply are more fortifying than pride ever thought about being.

I believe some people look for something to be offended by, while others look to start arguments. These are the loudest voices that stress the rest of us the hell out. How can we get them to hush up? Or at least tune them out so that they become the undeniable minority that I—deep down—believe they are?

My soul is looking for these blessed ties. As much as I enjoy solitude, I’m craving genuine connection with other people. Shared experiences are difficult in the middle of a pandemic, so most of us are having to settle for virtual interactions. While not the same as sitting together in a coffee shop and reading our works aloud, I’m looking forward to participating in a Zoom session for the Macon Writer’s Group, a small group of people who value not only writing but the connection to other writers. While what I’ve read so far from the others hasn’t necessarily been “my style”, I’m looking forward to this meeting with them. It’ll be a bright spot at the end of a pretty ordinary week. I hope they like my work. I could use a little validation.